I have a dirty little secret. I don’t like all kids the same. I like my kids and sometimes I like other kids too. But not all of them…
I thought that after becoming a mom I would feel enormous love for every child I smelled and saw. But it didn’t really work that way. I still think my kids are the coolest, the smartest, the cutest, and a few other “…ests”.
There are definitely children who are very nice and sweet, and my heart goes to them right away. I want to play, talk, cuddle with them, make them laugh, and become their favorite adult. But it doesn’t happen with all children.
Am I a bad person or is it normal? Would some of you, if properly threatened, acknowledge this embarrassing truth as well?
I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s a biological thing. These creatures grew inside of you. You kinda made them. And you are connected for life. Maybe because your child has your unmistakably “present” ears or huge eyes with gigantic eyelashes or that behind that could only be of your kin. Or they are sweet and shy (like their father) or loud and bossy (like yourself), proving you are related.
It could also be that “choice for life” thing as well. Like when you are in a room with a lot of attractive men: you acknowledge their presence, you are nice and polite, and laugh at all the right times. But then you see that face you kissed this morning, and only that hairy face and no other makes your heart skip a beat and blush a little. And he knows it, and you know it. And when the party’s over and you go home together, you hold his arm and that silly smile betrays your heart’s choice — and you are sticking with it, no matter what.
Many children are adopted and their parents love them to death. They are not your biological children, but the choice was made to make them “yours” forever. And your heart is sticking to it, no matter what.
It could be anything. I do not possess the answers to all these deep questions and reversely I do not have the questions to all the very anthropological answers out there.
I just know I love my children with a love that is bigger than this universe, and they know it. And I pray you love yours with a love that is bigger than those beautiful little eyes can see, those smart little heads can imagine and those huge little hearts can feel.
