It’s been a while since I have written anything here. It was a rough season for me. Many ups and downs. More downs. And I felt like I couldn’t write because so often what was in my heart was sadness and pain and disappointment and confusion and some sort of mid-life crisis. And many friends of mine and Sean kept encouraging me to still write, but something was holding me back.
After much thinking and talking about it (I am someone who processes verbally) I realized that I over-spiritualize things. Like I thought I can’t write because I shouldn’t share sad things with people, but only light-hearted and funny and maybe silly. But not tear-inducing serious s&#t.
But after some good conversations with good friends, and some with myself, I decided to adopt a holistic worldview and write about everything, really.
So here I am. Still feeling like something is wrong with me but what exactly I don’t know, telling you about my experiences, the days that are good and the days that are great… and the days that are horrible and full of self-pity and darkness.
Firstly, I would like to say that it has been very interesting living in a very unique time in history. We are going through Coronavirus season when so many people have died of it and many more are getting infected every single day all over the world. We lived through a crazy quarantine, witnessed deserted cities seen like that only in movies, discovered the magic of Zoom, and realized how little we actually need to live and live well. Many families enjoyed being together all the time, many tolerated it, and there were those that suffered through it.
As for us – we loved it. Sean is an introvert, so working from home has been the sweetest deal for him. Nothing massively changed for me – still at home with two kids, doing all the housewife/full-time mom thing (like watching TV all day).
Now that the rules are relaxing, I am equally excited to physically spend time with friends, and also a bit scared of how it will all look like in two months or so. The tourists are flooding again, the busyness and the noise are coming back and I grieve that most precious time when Amsterdam could be seen as it is – a beautiful, green, charming, soaked in a lot of history and coziness city.
At times it did feel creepy not to see people anywhere in the streets. I sometimes half-expected to spot a zombie somewhere around the corner.
But it was mostly unbelievable and thrilling to see the city so empty and peaceful. I miss it like that.
Secondly, Black Lives Matter movement. It’s mind-blowing to me that in 2020 we still grapple with racism. And let’s be honest – it exists everywhere. In different shapes and forms depending on a country. But it’s there. And it has to be addressed and fought against. People need to realize that we are all in this together. Life is a communal phenomenon. We need each other; be you black, white, green or yellow. Unlike the Star Trek world, we are all people, with two eyes and ears, one head and one heart. We all have children coming out of the same place (cabbage) and we all long for and need love and respect.
I don’t know what else hasn’t been said about it. I am just grieving the situation of sinful human nature and some people’s stubbornness in admitting their wrongs, saying “I am sorry” and actually change.
Thirdly, my parents are not coming for a visit this summer because quarantine is extended in Ukraine and I am sad about it. There is something about having my mom and dad around that makes me so childishly happy. As long as they are alive, – I am a little girl, I am a daughter. And I cherish every moment of us being together, – in person or via the screen.
Life is too short to not make an effort to see and talk to someone you appreciate and love.
I guess that’s it for today.
